B.Inspired

The Darker Side of Goal Setting—Roadblocks to Achievement

Let’s be honest, we’ve all set goals that have failed. In fact, research says that 90% of New Year’s resolutions fail by the end of January!

Goal setting is supposed to be a positive, powerful practice that ignites enthusiasm and provides clear direction. To be successful, we’re supposed to set SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound. However, when practiced poorly, goal-setting has a serious dark side that can undermine our success, making us cynical and fostering confusion about where to concentrate actions and energy.

So, why do so many people today set goals but fall short of achieving them on a regular basis? Following are 9 ways goals can fail – and some suggestions on combating these pitfalls:

1) No authentic purpose. For every goal, there must be a deeper motivation that fulfills our sense of purpose. This is because taking purposeful action appeals to the emotional side of our brain, which feels good and fuels our desire toward accomplishment. The easiest goals to accomplish are the ones that we desire the most and make us almost leap for joy at the thought of achieving them. According to Johann Wolfgang Von-Goethe, “Desire is the pre-sentiment of our inner ability, and the forerunner of our ultimate accomplishments.”

2) Not specific. If we set a goal to “lose 10 pounds by spring break,” for example, there isn’t enough detail for the rational side of our brain, which can encourage excuses that get us off track. Setting very clear, detailed goals will help the rational side of the brain follow through. You’ve heard the old adage, “failing to plan means planning to fail.” It’s really true! So, determine your action plan with specifics on exactly how you’re going to lose weight – such as type of workouts, days and the times, classes, diet adjustments, etc.

SMART

3) Lack of measuring. In addition to being specific and inspiring, our goals must be measurable. This enhances our ability to create feedback mechanisms that monitor, control and correct the process of achieving our goals. The same goes for business plans. If we can develop specific tactics, a timeline, and a way to measure our progress, then we provide a successful road map for achieving business goals.

4) Too big. If our goals are too large and overwhelming, they may be hard to accomplish. Goals that are subconsciously unachievable or outside our mental boundaries of reality, are much less likely to be accomplished.

Current research on goals suggests that we will go through three phases:

  • Phase I: We come out strong with enthusiasm and determination.
  • Phase II: The “Brick Wall.” We start to have a sense of failing at our goals or losing motivation. This is especially true if we have longer-term goals, which tend to make it easier to hit a valley. This could show up as lack of money, a lack of support for an idea from family or friends, or simply a loss of interest in trudging ahead toward a seemingly unreachable goal.

Now is a critical point to re-adjust our goals and timelines, possibly simplifying them or having more short-term goals that give us a sense of accomplishment that fuels our long-term goals.

  • Phase III: Completion!

So, does Phase II sound familiar? Another related tip to prevent burn-out in Phase II is using the 80/20 rule. Try to be dedicated to achieving your goals 80% of the time, and lighten up on yourself 20% of the time, within reason. Staying “on goal” 100% of the time will eventually burn you out.

5) Too complicated. If we spend too much time upfront on designing elaborate goals and tracking systems, we may find that our best efforts may not be sustainable over time. If creating and tracking goals takes too much time away from accomplishing the goals, then it’s time to prioritize and simplify goals.

6) Too many. Along with complicated goals, we may create too many goals, making it impossible to complete anything. People with too many goals feel that they never can accomplish a complete task. They may also be confused about what is most important to accomplish or fall prey to the “check it off the list” syndrome, in which they check tasks off their list half way before accomplishing the goal due to lack of motivation or simply being willing to “settle” for less.

7) No accountability. When we talk about our ambitions, we feel accountable to other people. Find a mentor, co-worker or coach to share your goals with and to hold you accountable. There is strength in numbers!

8) Not written. Writing down goals is critical to making them happen. And, regular review and follow-up of your goals make them LIVE. Post your goals in two visible places, such as by your computer and on your personal bathroom mirror, and review them twice daily – first thing in the morning and before bed if possible. Anchor your goals by visualizing what it’s like to accomplish them. Refine your goals monthly as needed. Last, make sure your shorter-term goals and action steps continue to support your longer-term goals, which are the guideposts to accomplishing your dreams!

9) Focus on failure. If we ignore celebrating the goals we’ve accomplished in the past, we lose sight of our innate ability of great achievement. Our minds are too busy focusing on our “failures” versus our “successes” – and we inadvertently encourage more of the same. Essentially, the subconscious slinks away with its tail tucked between its legs, resigned to failure!

To combat this focus on failure, list all the goals you’ve achieved in the past and celebrate your successes. Acknowledge yourself for work well done. Then moving forward, every time you achieve a goal – no matter how small – reward yourself in some way. Our subconscious needs this kind of subtle, but extremely important, fine-tuning to set us up for success!

Your challenge: (1) Review or define goals. (2) Link goals to a deeper purpose. (3) Make them clear, well-defined, and measurable. (4) Implement the 80/20 Rule. (5) Find people to hold you accountable and review your goals daily.

Living in Thanksgiving: One of life’s most valuable lessons

The practice of “Living in Thanksgiving” can be truly life changing. All virtues have value and being thankful revitalizes the entire mental process by activating all other attitudes, thus stimulating creativity and joy. In fact, it has been said that the most powerful prayer is only two words, “Thank you!”

According to experts who study the science of happiness and health, an “Attitude of Gratitude” is one of the highest emotional states possible, bringing in appreciation and happiness, while chasing out negativity. Without lower emotional states, such as disappointment, resentment or regret, we experience more emotional freedom and we’re naturally happier and healthier.

Start a gratitude practice.

The Thanksgiving holiday offers a wonderful opportunity to launch a conscious gratitude practice. There are many ways to practice being thankful on a daily basis, most very simple, but all quite powerful.

Remember, gratitude is a “perspective,” therefore it’s difficult to extend it to anyone unless you start practicing it as a way of life. As the famous saying says, “Practice makes perfect!” Pick a couple options below and start your gratitude practice today!

  • Practice saying, “Thank You,” for happy and challenging experiences, people, animals, nature, art, memories, and dreams. Make “thank you” a common phrase in your vocabulary.
  • Start your day with a prayer and a clear intention of being more grateful. Be thankful that you rose from sleep successfully yet another day and that you might have the chance to change or shape your life or someone else’s life through your interaction with them. Understand that what we pay the most attention to in our lives is what we get more of in our lives.
  • Look for the positive stories in the newspapers, read uplifting books, notice the beautiful fall leaves and tune in to the birds singing. You don’t have to be oblivious to the harshness of life, but you can focus on being grateful for the good parts.
  • Keep a gratitude journal. List 10 (or more) things you’re grateful for in your journal each day. Choose an attractive, bound journal for this effort to show the honor you give the practice of expressing gratitude.
  • Start a gratitude calendar. Write something positive daily in your calendar to up-lift your attitude and re-set your perspective.
  • Collect positive affirmations and quotes about being thankful and keep them handy in a fancy little box to read and share with family and friends. Review the list on those occasions when you forget to be grateful.
  • Find a story and photo about someone with fewer gifts, abilities or opportunities than yourself who is nonetheless is achieving much satisfaction in his or her life. Humbly contemplate how grateful you feel to be healthy and able. Never forget your life could change in an instant.
  • Sign up to volunteer in your community. Helping those less fortunate than yourself is the best way to show gratitude for the gifts and abilities you possess.
  • Write “thank you” notes to friends, family members or co-workers.
  • Do one (or more) random act of kindness to a stranger each day.
  • Take someone out to lunch or dinner as a gesture of gratitude. Buy someone coffee.
  • Utter blessings, and express your appreciation to everything and everyone you encounter. Be a blessing; and you will be blessed.
  • Be present. When talking to a friend, try to avoid being distracted with other things, like making dinner or your to-do lists.
  • Practice “beauty appreciation.” Savor the pleasant things daily, like the rising of the sun, the whispering of the wind, the majesty of the moon and stars. This practice filters out the root of bitterness as you embrace your day and effectively neutralize the impact of bad experiences. This frees your heart and opens a window to joyful and grateful living!

A gratitude practice can really open up our heart and make us aware of the many riches we’ve already created in our life that might be taken for granted. This practice increases our realization of prosperity and abundance on every level, and thus our ability to manifest a better life and more happiness.

As Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “It is only with gratitude that life becomes rich!”

Happy Thanksgiving!

Timeless Words of Gratitude

Throughout the ages, the world’s greatest spiritual leaders, thinkers and authors have recognized the power of gratitude. Gratitude changes our focus of life more than any other action. When you feel good, you do good – and more good shows up in your life!

We can decide to be grateful or to be bitter.
When we persist in looking at the shadow side,
we will eventually end up in the dark.

—Henry Nouwen

If you can’t be thankful for what you receive,
be thankful for what you escape.

—Unknown

Give thanks for a little, and you will have a lot.

—The Hausa of Nigeria

When you can’t have what you want, it is time to start wanting what you have.

—Kathleen A. Sutton

Until you make peace with who you are,
you will never be content with what you have.

—Doris Mortman

Your diamonds are not in far distant mountains or in yonder seas;
they are in your own backyard, if you but dig for them.

—Russell H. Conwell

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.

—Cicero

A single grateful thought toward heaven is the most complete prayer.

—Gotthold Lessing

When life hands you a lemon, squeeze it and make lemonade.

—W. Clement Stone

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more.
It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today,
and creates a vision for tomorrow.

—Melody Beattie

God has two dwellings; one in heaven, and the other in a thankful heart.

—Izaak Walton

Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks. For this is the will of God.

—I Thessalonians 5:16-18

The Power of Positive Thinking

The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale

The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale

Translated into fifteen languages with more than 7 million copies sold, The Power of Positive Thinking is unparalleled in its extraordinary capacity for restoring the faltering faith of millions. In this insightful program, Dr. Peale offers the essence of his profound method for mastering the problems of everyday living.